Sweet Adoption Dreams

A handful of times along our adoption journey, I have been blessed with the most amazing and comforting dreams.  Now, I know this might seem a bit hokey and I honestly thought so myself the first time it happened.  I chalked my dream up to something I must have read the previous day or a conversation I had with someone.  However, two months after having one these dreams something amazing happened.  We received our referral and there it was, a connection to my dream.  Written in one of the reports we received about our daughter was her birth location or 'hometown', the same town that I had dreamed of.  

There was also a time period when I found myself awake every night around 3 a.m.  This went on for nearly a month.  Every night I would pray to God and ask Him for direction, guidance, discernment.  What message was He trying to send?   At one point, I thought we had cracked the code.  We made a few changes that expanded our adoption request and surely peace, solace, and sleep would be on the way.  Wrong!  So...prayers continued and one fine day, we heard loud and clear what God was asking.  The precious boy who we had been praying about daily for months is going to be our son.  That was it.  Why hadn't we figured this out months ago? The reason, I believe, is that God knows me (of course, better than I know myself) and had He revealed this to us months ago, I would have been a nervous wreck.  You see, it is our adoption agency's policy that we receive our infant daughter's referral first.  We had to wait for her to pursue him.  

On a more somber note, hindsight showed that during this period of sleepless nights there was another family contemplating what I would imagine to be the most difficult decision ever.  As I lie awake praying, God was preparing my heart for our daughter.  He was bringing our two worlds closer together.  I imagine that He was also comforting her first family, the family that was facing a decision that I cannot even grasp.  A family that probably loves her more than life itself, yet was forced to make a life-altering decision.  I pray for that family daily and ask the Holy Spirit to unite us and forever bind us in God the Father. 

The other night I had the most amazing dream about our son.  He was here, we were all together.  His bright smile lit up the room and I sensed unity, laughter, and a ton of affection.  When I awoke from this dream, I was still hugging our son and that joyful feeling has been carrying me for days.  

It is only a matter of time, God's time, that my dreams and reality will unite.   Praise God for that beautiful day!

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Acts of Mercy vs. Acts of Justice

One recent Sunday morning as we settled in and began listening to the message, I couldn't help but laugh.  Yet again, another message speaking directly to us.  Did this sort of thing happen pre-adoption journey?  I am certain it did; however, the magnitude and frequency of these occurrences is worth noting.  God knows those of us on the journey need to hear Him and therefore fills our calendars with these divine appointments. 

The message on this particular Sunday was on the difference between an act of mercy and an act of justice.  Below is the (condensed) story our pastor shared, and one you may be familiar with:

One day, bunch of villagers found a baby floating down the river.  When the elders asked what they would do, the villagers responding by taking the baby in, clothing him, and caring for him.  Every day, the same situation unfolded, only the numbers of babies found each day increased exponentially.  When asked what the villagers would do, every day the response was the same.  The people took in the babies and cared for them.  Finally, one day when asked what they were going to do, a wise man replied, "I want to go up the river and see who keeps placing the babies in the river."

The take away message, and one that just happened to have a literal meaning for us, is that adoption is an act of mercy.  Acts of mercy are certainly good things and God wants us to love and take care of one another.  In addition, adoption is spoken of highly in the Bible.  We are told that God places the lonely in family (Psalm 68:6) and that God cares for orphans and widows (James 1:27).  However, an act of justice requires righting the wrongs that cause adoption to be necessary in the first place.  This is a huge task, obviously.  However, doing nothing is not acceptable.  Proverbs 24:12 tells us that "Once our eyes are opened, we cannot pretend we do not know what to do.  God, who weighs on our hearts and keeps our souls knows we know and holds us responsible to act."  Little by little, as the world becomes a smaller place and ordinary human beings step up and make a difference, the atrocities that occur daily in many parts of the world will hopefully be eradicated.  After all, that is what needs to happen and nothing is too big for God!

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When Consumption Consumes You. Hold the Trinkets!

There are many areas of our children's Ethiopian heritage we hope to embrace, assimilate, and keep alive.  The easy ones will be food, music and dance, love for soccer, and love for family and community.  A not-so-easy one may be language and the hardest by far yet one that I am determined to use as a benchmark for our entire family is that of consumption.  


Here in America, we consume simply to consume.  It is unfortunate that the driving force behind America's prosperity is also the one that tricks, ahem, I mean makes us realize through clever marketing campaigns, appetizing color schemes, and a host of other business strategies, that we need whatever product or service is being sold.  However, in Ethiopia and other developing nations consumption is a matter of necessity.  In all reality, consumption should be that simple.  One is hungry, one finds food or a way to sell something to get food.  However, we have become so rich that as a nation have lost sight of the beauty in that simplicity.    

Deuteronomy 24:21 says, "When you gather the grapes in your vineyard, don't glean the vines after they are picked.  Leave the remaining grapes for the foreigners, the orphans, and the widows."  


It seems that we are gleaning to the edge of our fields and then some.  There are more than enough resources to feed, cloth, and hydrate every person alive.  However, that is not what we do.  For example, 12 percent of the world’s population that lives in North America and Western Europe accounts for 60 percent of private consumption spending, while the 33 percent of the world's population living in South Asia and sub-Saharan Africa accounts for only 3.2 percent. Americans alone make up only 5% of the world's population yet consume 24% of the world's energy.  Yikes!

It is amazing the amount of stress our "stuff" can cause us.  More stuff, more stress, more worry.  For people like myself who like all of their stuff to live in "homes", it only seems natural to simplify.  But that, we know, is an uphill battle in America where more is better and tomorrow has already outdated today.  Looking around my own house, there is actually very little that gets daily use and I imagine the same holds true for most homes.  Our beds, linens, hygiene items, clothing, and cookware and cleaning items seem to top the list.  After that, what is considered necessity is quite relative. 


As we draw closer to bringing our children home, I pray God helps us to embrace the simple things in life, to learn from our children, and to help them by providing for them yet not letting them lose sight of what is truly important.  I pray that God helps us and our children understand how to live in this world, but not be consumed by this world; that He helps us discern what we truly need versus what is frivolous.

It's 2:00 a.m. Do You Know Where Your Kids Are?

I do.  Two of our children are tucked in, sound asleep in their comfy, air-conditioned bedrooms.  The other two are 8,000 miles away, in a land foreign to us but all they have ever known.  They are being cared for by wonderful nannies and are having their basic needs met.  There are doctors, psychologists, and nurses.  They are loved on, hugged, fed, bathed, and tucked into bed.  Not bad for a least developed country.  I know God is watching over them and He is orchestrating every detail of this process.  However, my heart aches for us to all be together.  

Tonight has been one of those nights where I lie awake thinking about two of our children.  While they live and grow in our hearts, our physical separation can be extremely painful.  We have seen their sweet faces, read over their profile, and heard stories about their personalities.  We cling to these documents as if somehow they will cling back.  We pray that their hearts remain open to our love and that God gives them wisdom beyond their years to accept and love us.  We ask God to protect them and keep them safe and that He will unite us together soon.  

In the meantime, we ask Him to help us use our time wisely.  To love and cherish our family, to prepare our hearts and homes for our children's arrival, to make necessary preparations, and most importantly to love and worship Him.  

Philippians 4:6-7 says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God.  And the peace of God which transcends ALL understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. 

Why Does Adoption Cost So Much?

Another question I am asked quite frequently is about the cost of adoption.  Shouldn’t adoption be free?  After all, millions of children need homes, right? 

While it is true that in a perfect world, that was not governed by human law but by God’s command to love and take care of one another, adoption would be free.  But then again, in a perfect world, there would be no need for adoption.  Sadly, that is a far cry from the world we live in.  We live in a world made up of borders and laws.  We have to follow national and international laws and treaties, state and local laws, and also the customs and courtesies of each county.  The same laws that will protect our children and guarantee them the basic rights afforded to all US citizens are the laws that have definitions attached.  If this was not the case, how would we define “dependent children” or “citizen”? 

With that being said, in order to protect birth parents, adoptive parents, and most importantly the children, there are fees associated with legal contracts, government issued documents, social work reports, document processing and filing, and travel expenses.  There are fees required to help with the transition homes and orphanages where our children are being cared for. There are fees associated with our adoption agency, where countless people work to facilitate adoptions.  Keep in mind, adoption agencies are 510 (c)(3) or “not for profit” organizations. 

It is true, adoptions are a very costly undertaking.  My best guess is that most domestic and international adoptions cost an average of $25,000.  To do a quick comparison, most Americans spend about that much on a new vehicle, yet the average American owns his or her vehicle for less than five years.  To help ease the financial burden, there are many fundraising options and grants available to adoptive families. 

If you feel like God is leading you to adopt, please to not let the “price tag” be a show stopper.  While finances are indeed important, there are creative ways to raise the funds necessary.  Is it hard work?  Of course!  Do you have to put more faith in God to provide than you are comfortable with?  Yup!  Will God provide?  No doubt! 

Matthew 6:26 says, “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” 

The Referral Call

Our adoption agency has an amazing resource that will no doubt continue to serve adoptive families throughout the years.  We have an online group dedicated solely to Ethiopian adoptive families in our agency.  There are families just beginning the journey, those in the "paper chase" stage, those enduring the paper pregnancy, or wait, those who have received their referrals, those who have passed court, and those traveling to bring their children home.  One of the databases we keep is an unofficial list of families waiting for referrals.  This list is racked and stacked and everyone is assigned an (unofficial) number.  This list serves as a huge blessing, but also creates a bit of anxiety.  Don't get me wrong, I breathed this list in every night.  However, once our names arrived at the top of the list, I was an anxious Annie. 

In the adoption world, "referral day" is one of the most anticipated and longed for days. After all of the paperwork has been done and redone, after enduring countless months of waiting and possibly having to update any number of time-sensitive documents, we wait (not so) patiently by our phones and laptops.  The phone call could come at any time and we DO NOT want to miss it.  We take our cell phones everywhere with us: to the gym, the shower, the bathroom, as if staring at our phone will some how telepathically communicate to our adoption agency that we are READY.

Our phone call arrived on August 19, 2010.  That day will go down in the books as one of the happiest days of our lives.  As our family coordinator began talking and I heard the words, "This is your referral call" the tears immediately came.  I was so overwhelmed with emotion I could barely speak.  We were expecting a call from her that week, but the call we received blessed us doubly. We were receiving a referral for a beautiful and healthy 11 month old baby girl AND a referral for a handsome, athletic 11 year old boy.  This was it.  The day we waited over one year for.  The day that makes all of the prayer, hard work, and dedication worth every second.

Every time I think about that day, I still cannot believe everything is coming together.  We are overjoyed and extremely thankful.  We are nervous and yet as ready as we are ever going to be.  As we endure these last few months of separation from our children, we ask for prayers of comfort, guidance, wisdom and peace of mind.  We know the Lord is watching over our children and preparing their hearts for our love.  We excitedly wait for the day when our entire family is under the same roof!

James 1:27

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

When God Leads Us Out of Our Comfort Zone: Matthew 6: 25-34

I love it when the Lord uses a sermon, daily devotional, or other seemingly random encounter to speak directly to me.

Throughout this summer, the Lord has used all of the above means to get across the message that He trusts me to step out of my comfort zone and take a huge leap of faith.  Being the control freak that I am, I usually like to have a battle plan with every worst case scenario covered and a handful of contingency plans to boot.  However, God is leading our family down a road with many unknowns.  Answers may not be found in textbooks.  There may not be a tried and true method to handling this new and exciting chapter.  Our family may take on a whole new look and feel.  After months of prayer, consideration, and looking for answers, we decided to expand our adoption request to include two children, with one child being eleven years old!  This is where we thought God wanted to us be from the beginning, but we began this process overly-cautious.  Because this was not God's desire, He used every avenue of approach to reach us and get us to where He wanted us.

Bible Study: 

This summer, our Women's Ministry completed Margaret Feinberg's study, "Scouting The Divine".  Each and every week there was mention of caring for orphans and widows;  however two messages in Scripture stood out and resonating in my heart and mind.  The first was Deuteronomy 24: 14-22.  This Old Testament verse commands us to not glean to edge of our fields, but to make sure we leave some for the widows, orphans, and foreigners.  The second message is found in Matthew 6:25-34.   In these verses, Jesus is telling us not to worry.  In verses 25-27 Jesus says, "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? ²⁶Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"

After letting those verses sink in, the things that worried us were reduced to silly nuances.  How could we think that just because our children's college savings plans and activity funds might not look like we expected or that we might have a bridge a communication and culture gap that God would not provide for us.  The things that worry us do not worry God.  He leads, we follow, He provides.  As we open our hearts and follow His plan for us, our spiritual blessings increase.

Not-So-Random Encounters:

God has placed in our paths numerous ordinary people doing extraordinary things.  A regular family who has adopted four children within a two year time frame, two of these children with special needs.  A young pregnant woman who chose to spend her summer in Africa doing mission work, away from all of the creature comforts and prenatal care she would receive at home.  Another woman who chose to sell all of her belongings and move herself and her son to Africa, not knowing what each day would bring.  Each of these stories provided encouragement and helped us believe that yes, we too, are able to ask God to use our hands, feet, heart, and home to do His work.

I find is almost humorous that the things we stress about or are fearful of become the exact things we find comfort  and peace in once we trust in the Lord.  As soon as we understood where God was taking us and said, "Yes, Lord!"  every bit of worry or concern practically vanished.  In its place lives pure joy, excitement, anticipation, and delight.  Thank you, Lord for trusting us, leading us, and providing for our every need!