The Adoption Homecoming: Boundaries ASAP

One of the most important and useful pieces of advice we received along our adoption journey was to set and enforce house rules and boundaries as soon as possible upon arriving home.  With all of the emotions tied to adoption, the sheer exhaustion of the experience, in addition to the children's unique histories, hurts, and grieving process, this is a lot easier said than done.  However, it is true and it is worth every bead of sweat your body will produce.  


Last weekend, a friend and fellow adoptive parent arrived home with her three new children.  Watching them walk through the international arrival gate at the airport was simply surreal and being there to watch them cross the finish line was an amazing gift.  Only four and a half months ago were we the ones walking through that same gate, being welcomed by some of the same faces.  Only, what felt like the finish line at the time had instead become a new starting block.  Looking at their new family, then looking at ours, an image of their new race and the one we have been running flashed in my mind.  There is so little time to rest, fuel up, and hydrate before the new challenges will begin hurling at them.  Grief, hurt, loss, defiance, discipline, cultural differences, food issues, etc. etc, etc.  Because all of these new changes could threaten to turn a home upside down, I can not emphasize enough how important it has been for us to create, maintain, and enforce boundaries while simultaneously establishing a loving and nurturing environment.  The two can co-exist happily.  


The boundaries will obviously differ from home to home.  However, it is important to work toward the vision you have for how you want your home to run and operate.  Don't bend the rules or make exceptions if it is only going to cause you to work harder and longer in the long run.  For example, healthy eating is important to us.  Therefore, we did not bend the rules for the new children.  Instead, we are working toward having Sporty accept that vegetables, fruits, whole grains, etc. are what's for dinner.  End of story.  Tonight, I watched Sporty inhale a plate full of cauliflower and broccoli.  Three months ago, he would have turned his back to the table and pouted.  It was also important for us to not share our bed or bedroom with any of our children.  Therefore, from the day we arrived home I slept in Sassy's bedroom on the floor next to her bed.  As the weeks progressed, I worked myself out of her room and back into ours.  What began as shrieks of terror has grown into a relatively healthy level of assurance that she is not alone and I will be there to comfort her when she needs me. It took approximately five weeks to work myself out of her room.  A third area that was important to us is listening and obeying.  While Sporty initially tried to test and manipulate the rules I gave him, I see this greatly diminishing and have actually begun to feel as if he realizes we are on the same team.  Instead of him putting up a fight or becoming passive-resistant when told to do something he does not want to do, he is actually starting to comply almost immediately.  We have our moments, but by and large things are starting to level out.  He has realized that if asks dad after mom just gave him a directive, dad will back up mom.  This obviously gets tricky when dad and mom are out of ear shot, but as parents we are learning to check in with each other.  


The advice that was given to us that I would love to pass along is that it is important immediately establish boundaries for whatever is important to you and your family.  Do not feel guilty or that you need to relax some of your rules, because that will probably wind up causing more headache and heartache than if you would have taken the hard and firm.  When a child joins your family, even if there are no children in the home, he or she is joining an already established unit.  Instant gratification rarely yields fruit and as we are learning there is no way to go under, over, or around the family building process...we all simply must plow through it.  


Our hope is that when we come out of the other end, we will be a more cohesive, happy, and assured unit.  By establishing our framework, creating some goals, and sticking to the rules, we are beginning to witness the fruit of our labor.  When the honeymoon ended and we found ourselves in the trenches, we dug in and stayed firm. My advice would be for you to do the same.  Be flexible where you can, realizing that your family is growing and adjusting.  However, do not compromise the rules and boundaries that have established and served you as a family.  


Hebrews 12:11 states, "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.  Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."  In addition Psalm 32:8 says, "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you."  I find it most comforting to know to that while we are in the process of molding and growing our children, our heavenly Father is doing the same for us.  We are never alone and knowing that God will discipline and instruct us as we call on his name brings me much peace.  

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Parenting and Adoption: The Good, Bad, and Ugly

Before having children, a lot of people look around at other families with kids (maybe even slyly smiling to themselves) and mistakenly assume they are going to do better.  We are going to have total control of our kids, is what many of us think BK (before kids).  We would never let our kid act that way. Or, our kids are never going to do/say something like that.  Hey parents, how many of you thought this way before having children?  How many still feel this way?  Exactly.  We've all had our share of humble pie and hopefully have learned not to judge others through it.  There is no more humbling experience, day in and day out, than parenting.  Praise God for helping us keep our eyes on Him!  


Just this morning, I sent Larry upstairs to brush his teeth.  A simple task that lately has been causing volcanic eruptions in our home.  I heard him run into the bathroom and thought,  "Wow, he is getting himself ready...quietly even!  We are making progress."  Then, he emerged ten minutes later.  A bald track in his head the width of daddy's beard trimmer.  Smiling and proud he exclaimed, "I didn't touch the razor, mommy.  I used the trimmers."  Well, at least safety was a consideration.  (If you're angry and you know it, take deep breaths.  This is becoming my mama mantra.)  Now, back the task at hand.  His teeth?  You guessed it...not brushed.  


So, it should come as no surprise that parenting adopted children is equally humbling.  Yesterday an adoptive friend made a statement that rang true.  Adoptive parents are often hesitant to share the difficult parts of the adoption experience, especially when it comes to discipline and household stress related to the adoption.  My guess (and it's just a guess) is that we don't want to be perceived as failures.  In addition, we do not want to scare anyone away from considering adoption.  


With that being said, here are two great truths in our home surrounding our adoption.  First and foremost, we would do it again in a heartbeat...and actually plan to, once we reach cruising altitude.  We will embrace (and brace ourselves for) every joy, challenge, struggle, and sleepless night.  There has been nothing about this experience that would stop us from stepping out in faith again.  Remember, God is the strength in our weakness.  Essentially, all we are doing is telling God he can use us and our bodies.  He does the rest.  We have done none of this on our own. (Philippians 2:13) Second, the past three and a half months have been the hardest we have ever been through.  Here is the mathematical expression:  take the emotional nature of the experience, coupled with everyone's world being turned upside down, in addition to living in a home with three (very intense) children four years of age and younger, add an eleven year old who is just learning English and is not used to discipline being enforced, multiply the noise level by four, and throw in two parents learning how to parent a pre-adolescent .  What do you get?  A whole lot of question marks and the need to seek Christ minute by minute.  


The past few months have been hard on our marriage.  We have argued like never before.  We have been so exhausted that we could not even reconcile before going to sleep.  We have disagreed in front of the children.  We have had to come up with new and (hopefully) effective discipline measures on the fly.  We have had to remain calm and collected beyond our physical abilities.  I have been angry.  I have been resentful.  I have grieved the loss of our old family unit.  The past few months have also been hard on our children.  Three children four years of age and younger need a lot of individual attention.  I am only one person, yet each of their mothers.  They each want my help, attention, praise, and affirmation...usually at the same time.  Our eleven year old needs attention too.  His activities are separate from the preschoolers.  He wants praise and affirmation and also the recognition that he is the oldest child.  He wants to do things his way and does not like rules enforced.  The daily business of life has been hard, very hard.  Most importantly though, we pray together daily as a family and know that day-by-day we are growing together, in Christ.  Our foundation is in Christ and He does not fail.  Because our foundation is strong, everything else is 'just a thang'! 


Looking back, it is easy to see how far we have come and how much we have grown.  In three short months we have all made exponential progress, but it has not been easy.  Every challenge is an opportunity for growth and thankfully, God gives us many do-overs.  If we do not get it right the first time, there is always to the opportunity to take a new approach the next time.  Like the title of John Ortberg's book, If You Want To Walk On Water, You've Got To Get Out Of The Boat, we know that in order to live our lives to the fullest and become more like Christ, we have to take risks.  We knew that adding another toddler plus an eleven year old boy to our family would be assuming some risk.  With those risks, may come stumbling and heartache, but also great reward.  


The past few months have been a dance.  An awkward, sometimes monotonous, gaggle of a dance...similar to what I witnessed while stationed in Germany when everyone at a night club did the electric slide all night long to each and every song that played with a few outliers doing there own thing here and there.  Gaggle, monotonous, uncoordinated dancers doing our best to grow in Christ.  That about sums up our family at the present moment.  


I often wonder why God waits until we are at our wit's end before intervening.  But then I laugh.  I know He is not the one waiting.  Instead it is me not listening.  He is there all along trying to gently guide and direct my path; however, I probably do not fully acknowledge Him until I am at my wit's end.  Psalm 32:8 says, "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you."  I read it; I say that I believe it; yet, for those things I consider too small for God (the daily business of life),  I tend to rely on myself until I am about to break.  I envision a life of fully trusting God in the big and small details and continue to pray that He takes me there. 


So, there you have it...along with the glorious and magnificent is also the difficult and ugly.  Some days are downright U-G-L-Y.  Luckily, we have God's promise in Isaiah 58:11, "The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your need in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame.  You will be like a well watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail."  I don't know about you, but when I read those words, I can feel and taste the refreshment.  That is our living God!  

Career Versus Calling

There comes a time in most of our lives when we seriously begin to question our purpose here on earth.  For me, those questions began very early on (adolescence through college) and persisted into adulthood.  When answers could not be found, I simply looked around and tried to piece together the unspoken.  So-and-so appears to be very fulfilled on this track, maybe my calling will be found by just continuing along and one days things will click.  Or, this guy appears confident and collected, maybe if I keep acquiring knowledge and skills in a certain area, my purpose will become more clear.  Most of the time I simply thought to myself that nearly everyone else seems to be plugging along just fine without this deep inner conflict that keeps me awake at night.  What was wrong?


Thinking back to my college years, I remember the unanswered questions.  I would ask professors and mentors how they figured out which direction to take, but never felt a sense of peace about my own direction.  Being the first in my family to attend college, support and encouragement were readily given, but a family history in a certain area or calling was not present.  I would have to figure this out on my own.  When I finally decided on a path, a major course of study in Finance and a contract guaranteeing a commission into the United States military upon graduation, I thought things would fall into place.  A life of service appealed to me; plus I enjoy physical activity and being outdoors. That's it, I figured it out.  Or, maybe not.  The still voice in my head provided some clues.  'This is not the way.'  'Yes, you understand this material, but you will not find what you are looking for down this road.'  After a brief active duty stint and then a handful of years progressing as a financial analyst for the Department of Defense, the inner turmoil was no less prevalent.  I received formal training, completed my MBA, and moved around the country in search of promotions and more experience; yet, fulfillment and peace were not to be found.  'Why won't God just close this door and open the right one', I began asking myself silently and my husband aloud.  


A good friend of mine, one of those friends who always happens to call and say the exact thing you need to hear at the exact moment you need to hear it, would always say reassuring things such as:  'Your career and calling do not have to be the same thing.  Just because you work in a particular field,  it does not necessarily mean that is where God is going to use you.'  I ate these words up and believe those statements to be true; however, they did not necessarily fill the void.  I wanted my career and calling to align.  This realization was the first the step into figuring out how to best use my life for God's purpose.  As the soul-searching continued, I began to realize that it was not up to God to close any door, it was up to me.  By changing my thought patterns and diving deep into my motivations, I had realized that fear (fear of the unknown, fear or failure) kept me hanging on many more years than I should have.  Although I loved many things about the military, I was not passionate about the type of work I was doing.  


When we started building our family, I made the decision to use that time to begin a new chapter both personally and professionally.  Yes, the decision to walk away from the familiar was difficult, but over the past few years God has shown me that I needed time, probably more time than I would have allowed myself, to figure out how to best serve Him.  By spending the past few years at home with our growing family, I have learned a lot about my strengths and limitations.  I have worked harder than I have ever worked in my life and yet am still driven.  I have learned that at the end of myself is where Christ begins and at the end of myself is where Christ wants me to live.  I try to see the world through my children's eyes, with awe and mystery and limitless possibility.  I ask God to use every day of my life to build the foundation for the next and proceeding chapters.  I ask that He not let me waste another day and that He please, please use me to fulfill my purpose for Him on this earth.  That humble, sincere asking and pleading was what was previously missing in my life.  This was not something I could figure out on my own, but only through prayer, faith, sweat, and perseverance would His plan be unveiled little by little.   


Recently on the radio, I heard a guest speaker saying something along the lines of:  'Where your greatest gifts and greatest passions collide, there you will find your purpose.'  This simple yet profound statement is how I envision the next chapter of my life.  As the plan begins to unfold, I am nervous and giddy, but prayerful and cautious.  I do not know exactly what it will look like, but have been given a glimpse and the daily reminder that I need to live at the end of myself so that I can hold the hand of Jesus as He walks me step by step.  God gave me (and you) special gifts and if we let Him, He will show us how to use them.  


1 Peter 4:10 says, "Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms."  What are your gifts?  Passions?  How can each one of us use our passions and gifts to glorify God by serving others?  Wouldn't it be the dream of a lifetime to figure it out?!  

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A Match Made In Heaven

With Mother's Day quickly approaching, I thought the time was right to reflect on the perfect nature of our living God.  Last year for Mother's Day, I celebrated with my husband and two wonderful boys.  Actually, my wonderful husband took care of our boisterous boys so that mama could have a few hours of peace and quiet. (Something my own mother said she wanted for nearly every occasion, but we insisted on perfume, earrings, or the like.  Now I know...all she really did want was peace and quiet!)


Last year, our Dossier was in Ethiopia and we were waiting for our referral.  Initially (before God's nudging and us realizing the plan He had in store for our family), we had requested a little girl between 0-36 months.  On Mother's Day, we would have been waiting approximately two months.  On Mother's Day, our daughter was alive, most likely with her birth family and our son was waiting in the orphanage with older children, wondering who his new family would be and when they would arrive.  I remember praying hard for our children last year, children 8000 miles away whom we had never met.  I prayed that God would somehow unite us in spirit, in ways our eyes may never physically see, and give us peace and wisdom that only He could provide.  I also remember praying that our daughter was with her birth mother, being nursed, and was able to form a loving attachment.  (Because of the age range we were requesting, we felt we would be matched with a toddler, not an infant.)


How truly amazing God is and how perfectly he matches children with their forever families!  


Behind the scenes, His plan was unfolding.  Someone on the other side of the earth was either sick and dying or planning to give up their daughter.  A grandmother caring for her grandson has died suddenly, leaving no one able to care for him.  In a perfect world, no one would ever have to decide whether or not to abandon their child.  In a perfect world, medication would have been accessible so that birth parents would not have died.  In a perfect world, God's love would move people to care for one another and put others before self.  However, we live in a fallen world, a world fraught with injustice, social inequity, poverty, epidemics, and self-serving behavior.  How sad the state of our world; yet how our God continues to love us and work through the mess we create.


Last year, as we continued to wait for our referral, God opened our eyes to the countless older children waiting for homes.  While we never thought in a million years He would ask us (whose oldest child at the time was only three years of age) to adopt an older child, He insisted on waking me up every night around 3:00 a.m. until I got the message.  "Ummm...do you know that boy you have been praying about for months?  Yes, it is you...you are his family.  Yes, you.  Why not you?  Just because you don't know anything about parenting a pre-adolescent doesn't mean you can't learn.  Be willing.  Trust me."  It was the voice of truth!  The other voices I was hearing up until God quietly got His point across, went something like this: "Surely you cannot do this.  What do you know about older kids, anyway?  Don't you have enough on your plate?  Three preschoolers and a non-English speaking eleven year old.  Good luck with that!  Be scared...be very, very scared.  Older kids could kill you...burn your house down, stab you in your sleep!  Come on, don't you read the news."  One thing I have learned over the years is anything that elicits fear and not love does not come from God.  Period.  I told those voices to take a hike and the rest is history.  


Well, not quite.  When I first told my husband that we, in fact, were supposed to be the family of 'that boy we had been praying for daily', he about fell over.  Then, to my amazement, he got up from the ground and said, "OK, let's do it!"  Then...the rest is history.  


We have now been home for three months with Sporty (11 years old) and Sassy (now 20 months old).  Let me just tell you how perfectly God matched us.  All of our children are strong-willed, independent, spunky, athletic, loud, and eager to learn.  I am amazed at how quickly (even though the days and nights have been very long, exhausting, and challenging) our family has created a 'new normal' and how quickly everyone has adjusted to their new roles.  How the children have formed new relationships with each sibling separately and also collectively as a new family unit.  How my husband and I have recreated our daily routines to account for the soccer practices, homework, and caring for four children.  Sporty, social yet shy, has jumped right into the mix at school, in our neighborhood, and on the soccer field.  He is neither a sociopath nor an arson.  Yet, sensitive, caring, intuitive, and is full of life.  Sassy, our little princess, dons her helmet and gets right in the mix with boys.  (Like her mommy, she doesn't realize how small she actually is!)  She mirrors my words, actions, and gestures and attempts to mother the rest of the house.  She is full of energy, curiosity, and spunk.  The three little ones are best friends and typical siblings.  While only 10% of the world's population is left-handed, currently 50% of our household right-brained.  (I'm not sure what this means, but thought it was an interested fact.)  


Oh, and just this morning Sassy did the (seemingly) strangest thing.  She pulled at my shirt and said, "Mommy, milk."  She has never done this before but in the past week I have sensed that memories of her past life are blurring and will eventually fade.  She looked at me, her mommy and blended together her old and new life.  I was not the mommy who nursed her, but in a nod from God spoken through two words from our daughter, He answered my prayer.  Sassy was indeed nursed and had formed a healthy attachment with her first mom.  God is faithful.  


In adoption circles, we often speak of how perfectly God matches children and families.  While this used to be a statement conveying blind faith and trust, it is now something I have witnessed through faith and with my own eyes.  Proverbs 3:5-6 states, "Trust in the Lord God with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him and He will direct your paths."  I only wished I could have embraced this truth so fully from the beginning, as it would have taken away so much of the stress that surrounds adoption.  


Thank you, God for trusting us in our imperfect and flawed ways.  Thank you for teaching us to trust in you always and lean not on our own understanding.  Thank you for working out all of the countless details to bring together and unite our entire family.  Adoption truly is a match made in heaven.

Found Abandoned

Found Abandoned.


Two words and yet practically everything we know about our daughter's past.  Not found abandoned with instructions attached.  Not found abandoned with a letter describing life conditions too harsh to raise a child.  Not found abandoned with a letter stating how much he or she really loved this child yet was unable to provide for her.  Not found abandoned with a piece DNA material attached to help us locate any family member that may be living.  The only information we have about our daughter's past are those two words, along with a police statement, a few statements from witnesses, and the location of her abandonment.  On a hopeful note, the location of Sassy's abandonment suggests that the person 'dropping her off' knew what they were doing and wanted her to be adopted.  


Left to my imagination, coupled with life conditions we witnessed when traveling and what I have come to learn about our daughter's personality, I suspect that someone loved her very much. Sassy's ability to give and receive love demonstrate either a strong attachment to a previous caregiver or a fierce resilience and determined spirit.  I suspect there was either a death in the family or life conditions that warranted making the most difficult decision of one's lifetime.  I suspect someone is still out there wondering if Sassy made it home and I wish I could just pick up the phone and let him or her know she has arrived, is thriving, and that all is well...except that huge gaping hole.  Who are you?  Where are you?  Does she have sisters or brothers?  Why didn't you just go into the police station?  Why didn't you provide more information? 


Years from now when Sassy starts asking questions, I hope my answers and the love of our family are enough to make her feel secure and confident; although I know they will not be sufficient.  Nothing our family can give her will ever fill that gaping hole.  An information hole and probably a hole in her heart.  Thankfully, our God is bigger than any life circumstance.  He can fill any hole, heal any hurt, and provide a peace of mind that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7).  


When the time comes to discuss her past, I am confident God will provide the right words and give our family direction.  He always does.  At this point in time, I do not know what that will look like, but I trust that it will happen when the time is right.  Day by day, month by month, year by year, as we shower Sassy with our love, teach her about our faith in Christ, and  parent all of our children to the best of our abilities, we pray that God is working from within.  That He is behind the scenes, building the foundation, and instilling faith and confidence.  Our God is the God of all things seen and all things unseen.  Although the trials of this life may never make sense to me while walking the earth, I earnestly believe Romans 8:28 when it says God causes everything to work together for the good of those who Him and are called according to His purpose for them.  


In my opinion, Isaiah (who prophesied approximately 720-780 years before the birth of Christ), has some of the most beautiful, poetic, and profound statements in the entire Bible.  I will close this post with Isaiah 40:28-31.  A message of power, hope, confidence, and faith.  The passage states, "Do you not know?  Have you not heard?  The Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of the ends of the earth.  He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.  Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." 


Oh, and let us not forget...God has found each and every one of us abandoned.  So, while we may not have a police report documenting the conditions surrounding our abandonment, our hearts each have their own story.  Found abandoned has nothing on our living God!  

Artificial Flavor: What is That Stuff, Anyway?!

With Easter just around the corner, my mind once again circles back to a question I have asked (silently) for years, but never took the time to look for an answer.  Artificial flavor is an ingredient listed on countless products in regular grocery stores.  Seems innocent enough...this or that product contains natural and artificial flavor.  But what does that really mean?  

The first thing I found out about artificial flavoring is that is has a lot to do with the sense of smell.  While food can only taste sweet, sour, salty, bitter, or savory the number of ways a particular food may smell is countless.  Therefore, by altering the smell (chemically), you essentially alter how the food tastes.  So, according to various scientific references on Wikipedia, the term flavoring actually denotes the combined chemical sensations of taste and smell.  Great, I thought my mouth was just in danger...but come to find out the chemical masterminds are after my nose too.  

But what are the actual chemicals?  How dangerous are they?  Here is the kicker: the FDA does not require that flavor companies (what on earth is a flavor company?) disclose ingredients as long as all of the ingredients are "generally regarded as safe".  Therefore, these companies can protect their secret toxic potions and $1.5 billion annual profit while quite possibly harming all of us and our environment.  

I do about 90% of our grocery shopping at Whole Foods.  While my mother-in-law jokingly calls it  "whole paycheck" I shop there for a reason.  All of their ingredients are natural, many are organic, and you will never find questionable additives or preservatives in their stores.  The average Joe and Jane can read AND understand the ingredients listed on the labels.  In addition, they are committed to sustainable food sources, protecting the environment, and supporting local farming operations.  I once had our local store manager explain to me the difference between a modified starch (safe) and a genetically modified food (questionable).  Furthermore, I find that my grocery bills are about the same regardless of where I shop.  By sticking to the basics (or shopping the perimeter of the grocery store), eating healthy does not need to break the bank.  

Like all parents, I want my children to grow up strong and healthy and I really do not believe that larger food chains have our best interest at stake.  In the year 1980, the world's population was approximately 4.5 Billion.  Today, it is approximately 7 Billion.   What do you think the big players in the food industry have done to keep up with the demand for food while not cutting into their profits?  That's right: chemically altered and artificially flavored food-like substances.  After all, the natural flavoring is just too expensive and hard to find according to the 'flavorists'...you know, those guys and gals who make a living from producing chemically-altered flavors at the flavor company.    

So, just when you thought reading food labels could not get any more difficult, think again.  The simple ingredient, artificial flavor, may not be so simple after all.  Crude oil and coal tar could very well be lumped with your (and my) morning coffee creamer and cute little chocolate-flavored Easter bunnies.  

My mom always used to say, "You ate such and such when you were a kid and you turned out just fine." (No comments, please.)  My response would always be that chicken used to be chicken and sugar used to be sugar.  Now, nearly everything is modified or altered.  While it is becoming harder to decipher what is good vs what is bad, it is not impossible.

When you are out shopping for your Easter treats, go ahead, flip the label over and take notice to just how many ingredients you are familiar with.  The basic ingredients in chocolate are: cocoa beans, sugar, milk, cocoa butter, lecithin, and vanilla.  I have a hunch you will be pressed to find any of those listed in the mass produced goodies.  

Now, on to my next pressing question.  An Easter bunny?  How to explain this one to our Ethiopian-American son?!?!  

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The Honeymoon is O-V-E-R

There are honeymoon periods for many relationships: dating, new jobs, promotions, attempting to maintain a garden, marriage, birth of a new child, and yes, the homecoming of adopted children.  


Because young children cannot hide, hinder, or temper their emotions to the same extent as older children and adults, I believe the 'honey' of the honeymoon period for our family mainly affected mom, dad, and Sporty.  While mom, dad, and Sporty were on their best (or best as could be expected on little to no sleep) behavior, Larry stepped up to the plate in ways I never thought possible for a four year old (even giving himself the title 'oldest kid in the house while Sporty is at school') and Moe and Sassy were literally battling it out daily for the position of baby of the family.  


Fast forward eight weeks and our family now has a new look and feel.  Larry, Moe, and Sassy have assumed their new family positions.  Any struggle that they went through seems to have produced healthy sibling relations.  Sporty has begun to come out of his shell and show us his true self.  We have had several communication breakthroughs where I felt (at that point in time) we had made it to a new level in understanding each other.  He is also more willing to discuss his likes and dislikes openly, which is great!  However, it has also become apparent that (most likely due to the fact that he was one of the oldest kids in the transition home) he is not used to following strict rules, and instead acts as if they are only suggestions.  Our best guess is that he was being taught to be a man and make decisions for himself in Ethiopia and now, all of the sudden, that autonomy (to some degree) is being placed on a shelf and he is assuming the role of an eleven year old Ethiopian-American boy.  Big difference!  Therefore, I always try to assess each situation from his viewpoint before making any decisions on how proceed.  


We have had several occasions when, GASP, Sporty has decided to act like eleven year olds everywhere and do what he 'feels like doing' regardless of the rule.  That, of course, was met with our strict adherence to the rule policy which was subsequently met with his pout and stomp off to his room act.  Occasions likely to spur the aforementioned scenario are: vegetables at dinnertime (yes, they are on your plate for a reason), riding your bike on the neighbors lawn (because even though I realize some Americans are over-the-top about preserving their lawn by polluting the environment, we have the responsibility to teach you rules and boundaries), wearing a jacket to school (we now use a thermostat with an image of proper attire for the day to enforce the rule), and us insisting that he not throw chalk (or whatever object happens to be in his hand) at his brother's head (there is really nothing else to say about this one).  


I admit it, in the big scheme of things, we have it easy.  Yes, days are long, tiring, and chock-full of new learning experiences, each built upon the last, but we are doing exactly what we set out to do: provide a loving family and home (with rules, homework, and lots of vegetables) to children.  Our children are healthy, thriving, adapting and overcoming at all turns.  At night, after everyone is tucked away in peaceful dreams, I marvel at how far we have come in just a few short weeks.  I praise God for giving us strength, courage, and wisdom and for helping us get back up when we stumble...which we do...almost daily!  


Father God, I praise you for your faithfulness.  Thank you for always knowing exactly what we need and for giving our children wisdom and courage beyond their years.  I pray that each of them seek you always and that our family live a life that is pleasing in your site.  As Psalm 19:14 states, I pray, "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my rock and redeemer."  Thank you God for giving us your son to show us the way.  We are eternally grateful.  In His holy name I pray.  Amen!  

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