There was also a time period when I found myself awake every night around 3 a.m. This went on for nearly a month. Every night I would pray to God and ask Him for direction, guidance, discernment. What message was He trying to send? At one point, I thought we had cracked the code. We made a few changes that expanded our adoption request and surely peace, solace, and sleep would be on the way. Wrong! So...prayers continued and one fine day, we heard loud and clear what God was asking. The precious boy who we had been praying about daily for months is going to be our son. That was it. Why hadn't we figured this out months ago? The reason, I believe, is that God knows me (of course, better than I know myself) and had He revealed this to us months ago, I would have been a nervous wreck. You see, it is our adoption agency's policy that we receive our infant daughter's referral first. We had to wait for her to pursue him.
On a more somber note, hindsight showed that during this period of sleepless nights there was another family contemplating what I would imagine to be the most difficult decision ever. As I lie awake praying, God was preparing my heart for our daughter. He was bringing our two worlds closer together. I imagine that He was also comforting her first family, the family that was facing a decision that I cannot even grasp. A family that probably loves her more than life itself, yet was forced to make a life-altering decision. I pray for that family daily and ask the Holy Spirit to unite us and forever bind us in God the Father.
The other night I had the most amazing dream about our son. He was here, we were all together. His bright smile lit up the room and I sensed unity, laughter, and a ton of affection. When I awoke from this dream, I was still hugging our son and that joyful feeling has been carrying me for days.
It is only a matter of time, God's time, that my dreams and reality will unite. Praise God for that beautiful day!